How to be happy
Apparent coincidences are one of the big mysteries in life. I know our brains are wired to look for patterns and connections where none may exist, and then to apply significance to them. But if we do find significance, might it not be real?
Here’s an example:
This morning, when a friend told me of her plans to resume creative writing after she retires (because life is just too hectic now), I offered a gentle warning. Years ago, my mother used to promise herself and others around her that, come some future date (her next birthday, for example), she would accomplish a certain worthy deed (usually it was a promise to stop smoking). In due course, that date would come and go and we would find that, mysteriously, the goalpost had shifted to another point that was again safely off in the future.
My warning was gentle because I’m as big an offender as anyone. I don’t know how much of this is caused by our inner wiring, as opposed to the kind of culture we live in, but everybody seems to imagine that in the foreseeable future things are going to become more orderly, more fulfilling—that we ourselves will become happier and more successful. This transformation will occur as soon as [fill in the blank].
Then we carry on with the same activities as before. Somehow nothing much changes, but (like my mother) we tweak the parameters as needed so that it appears we’re still on track.
I see a coincidence here because, after parting from my friend I went online, opened my email, and saw a message from the leader of a local writers organization. It began:
Many times I hear writers say, “You know, I think I’ll be happy when…”
The email continued with pretty much the same admonition I had just handed out, focusing on happiness itself as opposed to the other objectives we imagine as being prerequisites to that happiness (getting published or whatever).
As a writer, I would be happy if What About the Boy? went into a second printing, if the screenplay for it went into production. Much more importantly, as a father I would be ecstatic beyond words if some actual remedy were to result from the current renewed push to understand Joseph’s condition—which is the problem underlying creation of both book and screenplay.
My own choices and actions may have no effect on accomplishment of these particular targets. Despite everything I do, they’re still pipe dreams.
But hopefully that doesn’t mean there can be no happiness. And hopefully reaching for happiness while goals remain unattained is not mere denial. I trust that it isn’t.
The above email recommended a certain Muppet video (having to do with “the Snowths”) as a reliable switch to banish unhappy thoughts, and that reminded me of something that has had the same effect on me.
Please click the image below and see if it doesn’t give you a nice warm feeling.
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